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Helter Skelter
Season 4, Episode 5
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Rachel rode up the elevator in tears. She had scared away her one true idol, Barbra Streisand, not to mention she embarassed herself. She had broken up with the one man she had truly ever loved. Her best friend had abandoned her so suddenly. She literally had no shoulder to cry on. It was the single worst night of her life. However, she was in for a big surprise when she got back to her apartment, and after that, an even bigger one was waiting for her. When she finally got to her room, she saw a man looking into the peephole. It was Brody.

"Brody, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"THERE you are! I've been trying to reach you for the past 4 hours." he said, seemingly relieved and happy.

"I was with Finn, I told you." she said.

"Yeah, but that was hours ago. I was really worried about you." Brody eyed Rachel's mascara that had run down her face. "What's wrong? Have you been crying?"

"I ended it with Finn." Rachel sobbed a bit. "I used to think he was the love of my life, but..." she sniffed "Life has just driven us apart." She grabbed Brody into a tight hug, her face on Brody's shoulder, crying.

"Be careful with that mascara. This shirt is dry-clean only." He said.

"Sorry." She coughed.

"Come on, I know this great ice cream parlor. It's the best in New York. It'll make you feel better, I promise."

"I would love that. I mean, I've been a vegan since my sophomore year of high school, but I've kind of been breaking it a lot lately."

They both laughed and walked downstairs, holding hands.

___________________________________________________________


Finn decided to drop by in Mr. Schue's apartment. Emma was in bed trying to sleep, and had asked Will to answer the door.

"Can you get that?" Emma asked.

"I'm on it." said Will.

He walked over to the door and was surprised to see one Finn Hudson standing in the doorway.

"Oh my god! Hey, buddy!" said Will.

"Hi." said Finn monotonously.

"You look great! Ah, it's good to see you." they hugged. "Hold on. What happened to the army? I don't get it."

"Didnt work out." said Finn.

"Okay." Will said to him nonjudgementally. "Well, when did you get in? Have you spoken to Rachel? She's been worried sick about you."

"It's so good to see you, Mr. Schue. Look, can I talk to you about something?" Finn asked.

"Yeah, of course." said Will.

Finn then hugged Will again and started crying. This was the second time Finn had hugged. Mr. Schue while crying. The first time was back during Finn's sophomore year when he found out Quinn was pregnant with a baby he thought was his. Similar to that moment, they subsequently went out to eat. However, this time, they went to BreadstiX.

"I'm sorry that happened to you. Break ups are tough. But I wouldn't think of this as a crisis." Said Will.

"How can I not? I have no girlfriend, no future, a limping foot, no job. I mean, I can go back to working for Burt, but I wouldn't be as happy." said a discouraged Finn.

"Now Finn, like I was saying, this is not the end of your life; it's just a new chapter. Maybe something will happen that will totally lead you to the path you were meant to follow." If Finn were gay, he would have totally kissed Mr. Schue in the moment after he said that.

"Thanks, Mr. Schue." Finn said with a smile.

"And speaking of lives going in a different direction, I have to tell you something really cool." I applied for the Blue Ribbon panel to improve arts education." He said,

"Really? That's great, Mr. Schue!" Finn said, proud of his former teacher.

"Yeah, but there's only one problem: I'm going to have to be gone for months at a time, and I need a Glee sub." said Mr. Schue.

"What?" said Finn.

"I've been thinking about calling Shelby Corcoran to come back."

Suddenly, an amazing idea came to Finn's mind. HE could be the new Glee sub!

"What about me?" asked a nervous but enthusiastic Finn.

"Really? I mean, there's no doubt you were a great male leader of the Glee club back when you where in it, and I don't question the fact that you would be VERY good at it, but it's not an easy job. It's a lot of pressure being a teacher. You have to always have something planned for each day, and be able to pick an assignment each week."

"I can do it, Mr. Schue. I promise."

"Okay. However, just in case you need some adult help, I'm still going to call Shelby Corcoran to come and help you."

Will pulled out his phone and dialed Shelby's number.

___________________________________________________________


Meanwhile, Shelby was at her new home in Portland, Oregon trying to put Beth to sleep. She had taken over for the coach of the coach of the Portland Scale Blazers, who was forced into early retirement due to having Alzheimer's. The Portland Scale Blazers had won Nationals in 2011, but had come in 3rd in 2012, losing to the New Directions and Vocal Adrenaline. She was shocked when she picked up the phone and saw "Will Schuester" on her caller ID.

-"Well hey there, stranger."

-"Shelby. Hi, how are you?"

-"I'm doing great, Will. How about yourself? I heard you guys won Nationals last year. Congratulations."

-"Thanks Shelby. I actually called to ask you a favor."

-"Sure."

-"Well, the thing is, that I've been selected for the Blue Ribbon panel to improve arts education in America."

-"Sweet gig. I used to be on that panel, you know, before I coached Vocal Adrenaline."

-"Well here's the thing: I'm going to be in Washington D.C. for a few months. I'm sure you remember Finn."

-"The boy who slashed Vocal Adrenaline's tires? How could I forget?"

-"Well, I've asked him to take over for me. However, he needs a bit of.....well, guidance from someone who is older than him and has more show choir experience."

-"Oh Will, I never told you. I don't live in Lima anymore. I moved to Portland recently, and now I'm the coach of the Portland Scale Blazers. Also, I met someone. He's my new boyfriend. He's helping me take care of Beth."

-"Oh, well. Never mind then."

-"I'm really sorry. I wish you luck, though. Also, if you make it to Nationals, may the best Glee club win."

-"You betcha."

-"Bye, Will."

Shelby sighed, reminiscing on the days when she was in Lima, when she fell in love with Puck and Quinn tried to call CPS on her to get Beth back. She was somewhat relieved that the Troubletones had lost the previous year. Also, she was happy that Quinn hadn't gotten her fired or she would never have been able to coach another Glee club again. She sang to Beth to sleep, walked back into her bedroom, kissed her boyfriend good-night, and went to bed.

___________________________________________________________


"So, who are you gonna call now?" asked Finn.

Mr. Schue grinned at Finn with a cocky smile.

There was only one person on Will's mind who he thought could coach the Glee club.

________________________________


Meanwhile, Kurt and Blaine had just landed in Las Vegas. They didn't have a lot of money, or so Kurt thought.

"I still don't see how we're going to afford to stay even ONE night at this hotel! Caesar's Palace is one of the most expensive hotels in Las Vegas. Look, Blaine. Can't we just find a Holiday Inn or something?" Kurt suggested.

"No. I want it to be special, and romantic. Besides, I made a lot of money working as a part-time math tutor at McKinley the past year, plus I even got tips from some parents of children who scored extremely high on their tests."

"Blaine. While I appreciate the effort and know how much you love me, don't you think it's just a little too much?"

"Kurt, you've gotta know by now: All the money in the world can't add up to how much I love you." They shared a kiss in the hotel lobby. Then it finally occurred to Blaine "You're right. Let's go. We'll find a cheap Holiday Inn or something."

____________________________________________


Rachel and Brody rode up the elevator of Brody's apartment complex. They were finishing their ice cream cones.

"You were right, Brody. This is the best ice cream I've ever had in my life!" said Rachel.

"Told you." he said. "Now listen, Rachel. When we get to my apartment, there's something I really want to show you. I don't normally allow people over at my apartment, but I'm taking you here because I trust you. Also, I must ask you not to freak out or run away."

"Why, are you some serial killer or something?" she said jokingly.

"Haha, no. But what I'm about to show you will seem extremely unreal and even more unbelievable than you can imagine, so before I let you inside my apartment, I need you to give me your word that you wot freak out at what you will witness behind my apartment door."

"You have my word." she said.

"Good." said Brody, relieved.

When Rachel entered Brody's apartment, she expected to find an extremely high-class home with an enormous flat screen television and an expensive-looking couch. However, she would have thought she was inside a crazy old Witch's house.?

"Rachel, there's something I must tell you." said Brody.

"What, are you a Wiccan?"

"Close, but I don't just believe in he magic; I perform it. Wicca is just a religion."

"Wait...so, you're a....?"

"Warlock, but don't worry. I don't use my magic for evil." he said

"I don't believe this." said Rachel. "Is this a joke or something?"

"Here! Let me prove it to you!" Brody grabbed the ring on his right finger, placed it on the ground. He then uttered a spell in another language. The ring suddenly rose into midair not much higher than Brody's head where he was sitting. When he was done, the ring slowly located back down to the ground.

"What just happened?" Rachel asked with awe in her voice.

"I bewitched the ring." he said.

"It looks the same to me." said Rachel

"Oh, it's supposed to be for vampires to be able to walk in the sun."

"Vampires??!?!!?" Rachel shrieked.

"Don't worry, I don't really know any vampires. I mean, I've met a few before, but I just wanted to show you a cool spell, and this just came off the top of my head." Brody then got up. "Let me show you my Grimoire. It's my family's book of spells. I got it after my mom passed away. She was a witch too."

"You never told me about your family." said Rachel

"Oh, I don't have much of a family. I was raised by my mom. My dad passed away when I was very young, hence the metrosexuality." Rachel smiled. "I have a cousin named Bonnie. She lives in Mystic Falls, Virginia. My great aunt, her grandmother, passed away not too long ago and she's been living on her own. I talk to her a couple times a year on Skype and on Facebook. She recently told me that her best friend has been turned into a vampire."

"That's awful. How did that happen?" she asked.

"Well, you know how one becomes a vampire, right?" Rachel shook her head. "Well, you have to die with vampire blood in your system, and that's what happened to her friend Elena."

"Elena?" she asked.

"Elena Gilbert." he said.

"That's funny, Kurt has a cousin named Elena Gilbert." said Rachel thoughtfully.

Brody looked at her funny. "Well, another thing: Elena is part of a certain bloodline. She is a Doppelgänger. However, she was the last surviving Petrova doppelgänger before she became a vampire. So now there are no more known doppelgängers."

"Oh." said Rachel, intrigued.

"Well, there's actually rumored to have been another doppelgänger bloodline. However, no one knows who or where the doppelgänger is today, or if there are any currently living ones."

"You know, I love a guy who can tell a good story."

"And I love a girl who is willing to listen."

They shared a kiss.

____________________________________________


Quinn and Elijah had just exited the movie theater when Pitch Perfect ended.

"What did you think of the movie?" asked Elijah.

"I liked it a lot."

"Me too." said Elijah. They entered his minivan.

"You know I was in a show choir once." she said.

"Yeah I think you told me that. I'd like to hear you sing sometime." said Elijah.

"I'm not the BEST per se, but Glee club is the reason I'm here today. Otherwise, I would be sitting on the couch taking care of a baby and living on food stamps. However, here I am, having one of the best nights out I've had in awhile." said Quinn.

Elijah smiled. They drove off back towards campus.

________________________________________________


"Are you sure this is the right place?" asked Finn.

"These are the directions Google gave me for the address." said Will, glancing at the printed directions from Google Maps.

Somehow, Will and Finn had found themselves driving into West Lima Crack District, where they were looking for a blonde woman they once knew who used to be filled with so much joy. Suddenly, they spotted her outside the West Lima Crackhouse smoking a joint. However, they knew by her facial features that it was none other than Holly Holliday. They got out of the car. Holly hid the joint she was smoking, but it was too late as Will and Finn had already seen it.

"Well hey there, Hot Stuff." said an obviously stoned Holly Holliday.

"Holly, we need to talk" said Will.

They sat with Holly for about 20 minutes catching up. Apparently, Holly had been sidetracked on her way to the airport when she was trying to move away to teach Algebra.

"You know, I was just driving to the West Lima Airport minding my own business, and suddenly this deer walked out in front of me and I swerved out of the way. I ended up totaling my car, losing all my stuff in the crash, and ended up waking up in the hospital after being in a 3-day coma. I was fine, but I couldn't pay for my bills because all my money was destroyed in the crash as well."

"Why didn't you just go back to the airport after the crash?" asked Finn.

"My car was taken to a junkyard. All my cash, and all my credit cards were crushed when they destroyed my car for good. I mean, I guess it's a good thing since I'm swimming in nearly $100,000 worth of credit card debt."

"Listen, Holly. We need you to come back to McKinley. I'm going away for a few months, Finn is taking over for me, and I need more than one person to take over while I'm gone. So, what do you say?"

Holly grinned and said "I thought you'd never ask." Finn and Will both smiled.

They drove Holly back close to where Will lived. Since he knew that Emma and Holly diet get along, having Holly stay in the apartment with Emma was out of the question. Will paid for Holly to stay in a motel for about a week until she could find a place to stay. After they dropped Holly off, they went back to Will's car.

"Hey Mr. Schue?"

"Yes?" Said Will.

"Can you drop me off at the school?" asked Finn. "I want to use the auditorium to practice."

"It's 10pm on a Saturday night. No one's there." Finn looked disappointed. "Fine, I'll let you in for a bit. What do you want to practice, anyway?"

"Well, I have a great idea for an assignment next week." said Finn, excitedly. "Rock music!"

"Why just rock?" asked Will.

"Well, I love rock music, and I think everyone will love it. I mean, I may come up with a good band or something, but a song just came to mind and I want to hear your feedback on it." said Finn.

"Sure." said Will.

They drove towards the school.

__________________________________________________


Kurt and Blaine were in separate rooms of the Chapel O' Love. Everything had just fallen into place. It was all so perfect. They loved each other. They were soulmates. There seemed to be no question or doubt that they were meant for each other. Blaine was both excited and nervous at the same time to be marrying the love of his life. He wore what could be described as a revamped version of the Dalton Academy blazer. It was similar to the original, but was made entirely of satin. In fact, the white shirt underneath the satin blazer was made of pure silver-white satin. His pants were also made of satin, and they were charcoal colored. His shoes were the shiniest anyone could have ever witnessed. Blaine saw his groom, Kurt, wearing an ocean-blue tuxedo made of glitter. The tuxedo resembled the one he wore in Mercedes' dream sequence the previous year where she and the New Directions sang "It's All Over" from Dreamgirls, which Kurt was essentially unaware of, as were the rest of the New Directions. The minister of the chapel was waiting for them.

The minister started. "We're gathered here today to join these two men in holy matrimony. If there is anyone here who has a reason these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Luckily for them, there was no one there. If any of their friends or family had been there, they would have all objected.

He continued. "To continue, do you, Blaine Anderson, take Kurt to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do." said Blaine with a loving smile.

"And do you, Kurt Hummel, take Blaine, to be YOUR lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do." said Kurt, beginning to tear up with joy.

"I now pronounce you two married. You may kiss your groom.

As they kissed passionately, confetti and glitter exploded everywhere. They then walked out into their limousine, which took them back to their hotel room. Blaine closed and locked the door, as he was more than ready to consummate the marriage.

"Now, it's time to consummate our marriage." said Blaine.

"Oh you know it, babe." said Kurt playfully.

They started kissing. Blaine took off Kurt's glitter tuxedo and his white shirt underneath, so that Kurt's wife-beater was visible. Kurt took off Blaine's sexy satin clothes as well. He ripped off Blaine's wife-beater and started kissing his sexy chest. Blaine pulled off Kurt's wife-beater, though he did not rip it off. Kurt then proceeded to take off Blaine's shiny shoes and satin socks. He then pulled down Blaine's pants and stared up at him with a cocky smile. However, before he could get Blaine totally naked by pulling down Blaine's sexy satin boxers, there was a knock at the door.

"Crap! I should have put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door." said Blaine.

"I'll see who it is." said Kurt, who walked up to the door, hastily putting his clothes back on. Blaine put on a shirt to cover himself up, and put some jeans on as well. Kurt looked out the door. "It's a woman. She's not a hotel maid." Kurt opened up the door and said "I'm sorry, we're kind of busy right now."?

"I can see that." said the woman in a cold British accent.

________________________________________________

The Beatles - Helter Skelter (2009 Stereo Remaster)04:32

The Beatles - Helter Skelter (2009 Stereo Remaster)











  • This scene of Finn performing "Helter Skelter" by the Beatles is intercut with the violence that goes on with Kurt, Blaine, and Rebekah, as well as Quinn and Elijah.*

---When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride Till I get to the bottom and I see you again Yeah Yeah Yeah Do you don't you want me to love you I'm coming down fast but I'm miles above you ---

"I'm Rebekah, I'm quite good friends with your vampire relatives."

"Vampire relatives? What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you didn't hear? Your cousin Elena is a vampire now." said Rebekah.


---Tell me, tell me, tell me, come on tell me the answer Well you may be a lover but you ain't no dancer Helter Skelter, Helter Skelter Helter Skelter Will you, won't you want me to make you---

"What the hell?!!!????!? You're kidding. Vampires aren't real." said Kurt defensively.

"Oh really? Well I'm living proof that they are." Rebekah ran over to Blaine with amazing supernatural speed and started draining him from the neck.

---I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you ---

"NO!" Kurt screamed in horror. Suddenly, he involuntarily reached into the bag and pulled out a stake made from Brent's viola.


---Tell me, tell me, tell me the answer You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer---


Rebekah saw the stake and dropped Blaine on the floor, panting.

"Where did you get that, boy?" she demanded.

"I honestly don't remember!" said Kurt, frightened.

---Look out Helter Skelter, Helter Skelter Helter Skelter---

"You're lying." said Rebekah. "AND YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE LIARS!!!!!!!" she pushed Kurt backwards towards the bed, where he hit his head on the wall and became unconscious. As he fell onto the bed, his neck scraped the sharp edge of the bedpost lined against the wall, leaving an open scratch.


---Look out! Cause here she comes--- _________________________________________

Back in New Haven, Quinn and Elijah are driving when they get hit by a drunk driver. Quinn went flying out the windshield. The entire crash went in slow motion for Elijah. Quinn landed on the ground and began to die.

_________________________________________


---When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride Till I get to the bottom and I see you again Yeah Yeah Yeah---

"WHERE DID YOU GET THE STAKES?" she bellowed at Blaine"

---Well do you, don't you want me to love you I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you? Tell me, tell me, tell me the answer You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer

Look out Helter Skelter, Helter Skelter Helter Skelter---

"I-I don't....remember.." said Blaine weakly. She rammed Blaine's head against the wall five times, and then kicked him until there was no more life left in him.

---Look out Helter Skelter! She's coming down fast! Yes she is Yes she is---

Rebekah then left the room with the two stakes. Kurt was unconscious, and Blaine was dead.

SongsEdit

  • Helter Skelter by The Beatles. Sung by Finn.


Characters (in order of appearance)Edit

  • Rachel Berry
  • Brody Weston
  • Finn Hudson
  • Will Schuester
  • Shelby Corcoran
  • Beth Corcoran
  • Kurt Hummel
  • Blaine Anderson
  • Elijah Mikaelson
  • Quinn Fabray
  • Holly Holliday
  • Rebekah Mikaelson

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